Monster
by Jameson Rook
Summary: "Rage. It was all consuming. It had started in the interrogation room with the bastard that had killed his own daughter." Short little piece about Ryan/Alexis, mostly because I can't think of anything to write lately, also because I love them.


_** So, recently I've been getting pretty agitated very easily. To say that I have a short temper is a severe understatement. Writing is definitely one of my outlets...I'm going to write it out. Yeah...vague FLO reference there. Anywho, this is going to be another Ryan fic...'cause, I'll be honest, I adore him. I watched an episode of Castle the other day and I spent the entire episode waiting for him to be on screen.**_

_** Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Productions. "Monster" belongs to Skillet.**_

**The secret side of me I never let you see, I keep it caged but I can't control it.**

**So stay away from me, the beast is ugly. I feel the rage and I just can't hold it.**

**It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls. **

**It comes awake and I can't control it.**

**Hiding under the bed, in my closet in my head,**

**Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?**

**I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster.**

**I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun,**

**I must confess that I feel like a monster.**

Rage. It was all consuming. It had started in the interrogation room with the bastard that had killed his own daughter. He didn't understand how someone could do something like that. There was just something that finally snapped inside him when that man admitted to smothering the little girl. He had blown across the table and tightened his hands around the man's throat.

He hadn't even felt Esposito pulling him off the suspect, but he'd still somehow found himself pacing the hallway outside the room like a caged bull. His nostrils flared and his breath came in short, labored gasps. He balled his fists at his sides and every muscle in his body was tighter than he thought possible.

"Ry, what's going on man? What the hell was that in there?" Esposito tried to walk in front of him, but Ryan couldn't seem to get himself to stop pacing. He needed to destroy something. Adrenaline was coursing through his body at an alarming rate.

"I-I don't know. I just...and that guy is such a...how could he..." He stammered, running his hands far too roughly through his hair. His hands were shaking when he let them fall back to his sides.

"Yeah, I understand that he's an ass, but that doesn't mean you get to strangle some guy in some twisted form of marshal law. That's not like you, bro." Esposito grasped his shoulders and got him to stop pacing finally. "What is it about this one that has you so riled up? I know cases with kids are already hard without the murderer being their parent, but this isn't the first one we've faced."

Ryan's eyes burned with an intensity that Esposito had seen since he'd talked back to his drill instructor in the boot camp. He shook out of the other man's hands and glared at him, moving close enough that his hot breath washed over Esposito's face. Ryan's voice spilled from his mouth with enough venom that Esposito felt a shiver run through him.

"Do _not_ follow me, Javier." He growled, brushing past Esposito hard enough to shove him back into the wall. He waited impatiently for the elevator, jamming the button repeatedly until the doors opened and he burst through into it. He barely noticed the fiery redhead that he knocked past, and immediately pressed the button for the basement.

In his wake, Alexis and Javier were left staring after his retreating form. Alexis turned to look at Javier.

"What was that about?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"We've had a rough case. It was a kid, the father killed her." Esposito offered by way of explination. Alexis looked at him through sad eyes and pulled him into a comforting hug. When he pulled away he looked at her curiously. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be away at college?" Alexis let out a short chuckle.

"Yes, but it's spring break, I figured I'd come visit dad and Kate." They were both silent for a moment. "Can you tell my dad that I stopped by, I'm going to go check on him."

"You sure that's a good idea, little one?" Esposito asked cautiously. Alexis nodded slowly.

"Of course, I can handle a little angry Irishman." With that she stepped back into the elevator and headed down to the basement to see if she could reason with whatever it was that had taken over the man she knew as Kevin Ryan.

**My secret side I keep hid under lock and key,**

**I keep it caged but I can't control it. **

**'Cause if I let him out, he'll tear me up, break me down.**

**Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?**

**I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin,**

**I must confess that I feel like a monster.**

**I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun,**

**I must confess that I feel like a monster.**

The only thing that she could hear when she stepped out into the locker room section of the precinct gym, was the sound of Ryan's fists hitting the punching bag and his harsh breaths. She stepped into the dimly lit gym quietly, watching his sweat-covered form moving. She slowly moved to take a seat on the small bench, content to let him get out all of his frustation before she interrupted him.

The synchronized movements of his body amazed her. The sinew of his muscles was tight underneath his tanned skin. She'd known he was a well built man, but she hadn't known that it was to such a caliber. The curve of his stomach as he sucked in deep breaths, channeling each of the movements, no movement wasted.

He landed punch after punch to the bag, and Alexis vaguely noticed that he didn't have any gloves or tape protecting his knuckles. The muscles of his back and chest rippled as he moved easily around the bag. He startled and stoped immediately when he saw her perched on the bench. He ran a hand through his sweat-slicked hair cautiously.

"Alexis." He muttered, his breath coming in short gasps. "I...what are you doing here?" He asked quietly.

"I thought that I'd come check on you after you bowled me over on your way into the elevator." She chuckled, standing and handing him the towel that had been draped over the bench. He wiped his eyes quickly and slipped into his shirt.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." He grumbled, not meeting her eyes. She stepped onto the mat after slipping out of her shoes. She crossed cautiously to where Ryan stood and slowly watched a drop of sweat fall off the end of his nose onto the mat. She'd never noticed how blue his eyes were until she saw them tinged with anger. She should be scared, she knew that, but this was Kevin. This was the man that had worked with her father for the past seven years. He had stood opposite her at her dad and Kate's wedding. He'd twirled her around the dance floor awkwardly during the Maid of Honor-Best Man dance. (Then again so had Esposito, but he hadn't put the butterflies in her stomach like Ryan had.)

"So," She began slowly, leaning down to look into his eyes. "Want to tell me what's up with you?" He gave a sad chuckle and shook his head, running the towel that she'd given him over his face.

"Not really, it's stupid. I had no right to go off on that guy in the interrogation room. I could get suspended over this." He said quietly, averting his eyes once again. Alexis scowled at him a moment before hooking her finger under his chin and lifting his face to look at her.

"You know, it's not all the time that I come back to visit from college. You should seize the oppourtunity to use my vast array of psychological knowledge to its fullest extent." She felt a smirk spreading across her face at the light that sparked in his eye.

"That guy that we were interrogating killed his daughter. He smothered his own daughter. Who _does_ that, Lex. Who?" He snapped, finally allowing his gaze to catch hers. Before she realized what she was doing, she wrapped him in a hug, running her fingers through his hair softly.

"I don't know, Kevin, and I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. But, you've got him. You got justice for that little girl. You've done your job. You can't ask for anything more than that." She whispered into the crook of his neck. He winced slightly as his bruised and bloodied hands tightened on her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Thank you, Alexis. Most people..." He paused a moment, taking a deep breath against the top of her head. "Most people see me like this and take off running the other direction. They don't follow me. I tried so hard to keep my temper under control. I hate letting anyone see this side of me. I'm a monster." His voice broke on the last word, his eyes welling slightly with tears. He didn't want to hurt Alexis, and he knew that he hurt everyone he cared about.

"I'll always be here for you, Kevin. Don't forget that." Her voice was quiet and matched his. He pulled away from her enough to look in her face, his chisled with fear and lingering anger.

Alexis took a moment to suck in a deep breath before pressing her lips to his gently. Ryan stiffened, his hands clutching her sides tightly before relaxing into the kiss, his tongue slipping over her lower lip softly. When they finally parted, Alexis rested her forehead on his, smiling tenderly at him.

"You know, I've been waiting to do that since the day that I met you." He whispered, his eyes still closed.

"You too?" She laughed, kissing the end of his nose. "Oh, and Kevin?"

"Yeah, Lex?" He rasped.

"You're not a monster. You never were. You're just a man." He smiled and pulled her into another passionate kiss.

He wasn't a monster. He was a man. For the first time since he could remember, standing in the middle of the precinct gym, covered in sweat and wrapped around the most amazing woman he'd ever known, he actually believed that.

**It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp,**

**There's no escape for me, it wants my soul it wants my heart. **

**No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream,**

**Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster!**

**I feel it deep within, its just beneath the skin,**

**I must confess that I feel like a monster. **

**I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun,**

**I must confess that I feel like a monster.**


End file.
